


Everyone: Watch RWBY

by Kateinator



Category: Homestuck, RWBY
Genre: (like really), Everyone loves the music, Everyone watches RWBY, Image Heavy, In which Roxy is a total fan, Multi, Seriously though go watch RWBY, because I've seen nothing like that like come on guys, the author hints at her ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-03-18 16:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3576375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateinator/pseuds/Kateinator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AKA Regret, Whining, Babes, and Yelling)<br/>After a DVD is mysteriously left on Karkat's doorstep, he and a bunch of other people decide/are forced to watch RWBY. Puns, arguments, weapons, and a bunch of other stuff ensues</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Red, White, Black, and Yellow

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY HOLY SHIT but I'm sorry in advance about the character's personalities, as I've never really written most of them before plus my view of characters is that it's okay unless they're REALLY OOC which I hoped to stay away from here. I couldn't capture the brilliance that is RWBY through still images, even though I tried my hardest. go check it out. first chapter is literally just the trailers. this took me a week to do.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo WHAT EVEN IS THIS   
CG: OKAY.   
CG: WHICH STRIDER LEFT THIS THING ON MY FRONT FUCKING ENTRY PORTAL STEP.   
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo  
TG: dude what the fuck are you even talking about  
timaeusTestified [TT] responded to memo  
TT: I have no idea what thing you could be talking about man.  
CG: THIS ANIMATED SHOW THING YOU WANTED US TO WATCH  
CG: R-WUBBY OR WHATEVER.   
CG: R W B Y.   
TT: Nope no idea. Sounds familiar though.   
TG: goddamnit bro I told you not to leave that hentai shit out.   
TG: gonna end up scaring the shit outta the neighbors.   
CG: I'M CUTTING THAT OFF BEFORE IT GETS IDIOTIC.   
CG: ...  
CG: DO ANY OF YOU TYPE IN INDIGO?  
TT: No, why?  
CG: BECAUSE APPARENTLY WHOEVER SENT THIS TO US TYPES-OR WRITES AT LEAST- IN INDIGO.   
CG: THERE'S SOME NOTE SAYING "HAVE FUN. VOLUME TWO WILL ARRIVE TOMORROW"  
CG: ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING WITH ME? SERIOUSLY?  
TT: Normally, I would take the credit and say yes, I am totally fucking with you. But this isn't ours.   
TG: yours. I don't touch that shit.   
TT: But from what I've heard it's apparently very good, despite the animation.   
TT: How bad could it be?  
CG: CLEARLY YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE ROOM.   
CG: FUCK IT. WHY NOT.   
CG: MOVIE NIGHT.   
tipsyGnostalgic [TG2] responded to memo   
TG2: OOH r we finally gettin to watch rewby?  
TG2: *RWBY sry.   
CG: YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?   
TG2: hell ye I do.   
TG2: badass fightin girls in combat skirts an everything is a gun.  
TG2: omfg hold up gotta get jadey in here.   
TG2: she's totes gonna love it.   
TG: oh god are there furries.   
TT: not everything is about tentacles and furries in anime, Dave.   
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo  
TT: Intriguing how your mind instantly jumped to the erotic.   
TG: here we go   
TG: blah blah phallic imagery blah blah feelings jams blah blah attachment issues blah blah self esteem blah blah  
TG: did I do it right?  
TT: It appears as if I should pass the title of 'self styled psychoanalyzer' to you.   
TT: Surely one day I will find another purpose in life.   
CG: I LOVE HOW ON TRACK THIS CHAT IS.   
TT2: Totally on track man.   
TT2: Shit couldn't be more on track of it tried.   
TT2: Oh god something's on the track we gotta derail  
TT2: Oh shit we can't do anything we're so on track  
TT2: Sweet little Susie just got run over by an on track train  
TT2: Train company's gonna get sued by her family  
TT2: They lose so much money they gotta close down.   
TT2: If only that train hadn't been so on track   
TT2: Millions would have been spared. Fuckin millions.   
CG: GOOD LORD I THOUGHT ONLY ONE STRIDER WAS BAD.   
CG: AT LEAST ROSE IS VAGUELY COMPETENT AND SANE  
TG: excuse you  
TG2: excuse u  
CG: ANYONE ELSE WANT TO JOIN?  
arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo  
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to memo  
CG: OF FUCKING COURSE.  
AC: :33< *AC saunters into the chat, looking fur prey to pounce on*  
AC: :33< *she spies a fellow Heart player in silly shades across the way. Curious, she slinks furword*  
AC: :33< *SHE POUNCES*  
TT2: *The horse in ironic and spectacular shades is pounced upon by a fellow heart player. He is not surprised and asks her to join them. She totally agrees to because anime is awesome.*   
AC: :33< hey no godmodding!   
GG: oh hey guys!   
CG: HEY JADE.   
TG2: Jade u gotta watch this with us  
TG2: it's got catgirls and robots and combat skirts and guns.  
TG2: ur gnona lurve it I promise.   
TG2: *gonna  
TG2: fingers movin too fast 4 da keys.   
GG: oooh, really? That sounds so cool!  
GG: Karkat has it right?  
GG: set it up set it up set it up!  
TG2: lets w8 for errybody else.   
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY ELSE?  
TG: I invited Terezi.   
TT2: I invited Sollux  
CG: FOR FUCKS SAKE.   
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THIS.   
CG: I’M NOT DOING THIS  
TG: wait  
TG: my time senses are tingling  
TG: plus I got messaged by another dave saying we gotta watch the thing.   
TG: otherwise the universe explodes  
TG: again  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo  
GC: W3LL W3LL W3LL WH4TS GO1NG ON H3R3?  
GC: 4NOTH3R M3MO P3RH4PS?  
TG: we're watching a thing.   
CG: APPARENTLY THE TITLE STANDS FOR MULTIPLE COLORS  
CG: RED WHITE BLACK AND YELLOW.   
GC: 4N 3NT1R3 S3R13S 4BOUT COLORS? >:O  
GC: 1M 1N  
AC: :33< *the sneaky purrbeast picks up a scent and cocks her head. could it pawsibly be...*  
GC: *TH3 T34L DR4GON SW33PS 1NTO V13W, L4ND1NG 1N FRONT OF TH3 PURRB34ST*  
CG: IF ANYONE ELSE ROLEPLAYS IN THIS GODDAMN MEMO, I AM GOING TO BAN YOU.   
twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo  
TA: 2hiit kk ii leave for a few week2 and 2uddenly everythiing’2 gone two hell iin a handba2ket  
CG: FUCK OFF   
GG: oh hey Sollux!  
TA: 2up jd  
TA: what are we even watchiing?  
GG: something incredibly AWESOME!  
TG: anime  
TT2: An animated cartoon.  
TT2: Jury’s still out on the ‘anime’ judging  
CG: WHERE THE HELL IS ROSE?  
CG: SHE FUCKING DISAPPEARED   
TT: I can assure you, Karkat, that I am still here.   
TT: Simply observing the discussion.   
TG: probs stroking Mutie from the darkened corner of an office  
TG: also chuckling. chuckling is a thing that’s happening  
TT: How did you know? I have been doing this the entire time  
AC: :33< so are we going to watch this or not?   
AC: :33< furrom what rawrxy told me, it s33ms purretty cool!  
CG: I DON’T KNOW. IS THERE ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO SHOW UP AND ANTAGONIZE ME?  
CG: NO? GREAT.  
CG: LET’S STA  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK LALONDE I HAD IT SET TO CUE ON THE FIRST EPISODE  
TG2: evryone knows ya gott start with the trailers.

** **

 

TG2: teh late gr8 Monty Oum  
TG2: may he RIP  
CG: ROXY EVERYONE FROM EARTH IS DEAD HE IS NO DIFFERENT  
TG: what’s with all the roses  
TG: is it that kiss kiss fall in love anime?  
AC: :33< *AC gasps*  
AC: :33< you watch Ouran High School Hisst Club too?  
TG: no.   
TG: also: hell to the no  
TT2: Don’t knock it till you tried it  
GC: 1 W4S PROM1S3D COLOR.   
GC: 1’M T4ST1NG 4 LOT OF BLU3

CG: WHO’S THIS DOUCHEBAG  
TG2: our prtoagonist  
TG2: *protagonist  
TG2: Rwby Rose  
TA: what’2 wiith the cloak.  
TA: 2he make2 me thiink of ed  
TT2: She’s based on Little Red Riding Hood, a fairy tale from human history  
TT: Shall I assume that somewhere in this she will be confronted by some form of wolves?  
TG2: you shalll  
GG: she looks kinda sad :(  
TG: dont worry jade.   
TG: knowing roxy something’s about to explode

CG: LET ME GUESS.   
CG: SHE HAS A TRAGIC BACKSTORY AND ONE OF HER DOUBLED LUSII IS DEAD  
CG: THAT IS SAID LUSUS’ GRAVE  
TT2: “Anime protagonist has a missing/dead/absent parent” cliche  
TT2: Check  
TG2: hush u  
TT: I believe that is a quote from a poem.  
TT: “Summer Rose: Thus Kindly, I Scatter”  
TG: shit where did kanaya come from  
GC: P3RH4PS SH3 1S ON H3R W4Y TO 4V3NG3 H3R LUSUS’ D34TH

** **

TT: And lo, the wolves arrive.   
TT: Literally, in this case  
TG: okay what the fuck are those things  
AC: :33< they look like terrifying purredators!  
GG: they look so cool!!  
TG2: that my furiends is a pack o bayowolves  
TG2: *beowolves  
TG2: *beowulfs?  
TG2: *creatures of Grimm  
GC: TH3Y T4ST3 D3L1C1OUSLY THR34T3N1NG  
CG: WHERE THE FUCK DID SHE GO?  
CG: DOES SHE JUST FUCKING TELEPORT AND SHED REDFLOWERS LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW?

TA: where the fuck diid that GUN come from?  
TA: that wa2 NOT there two 2econd2 ago  
GG: WHOA!   
GG: SO COOL!!   
GG: I wonder what it’s powered on? and what’s that on the muzzle?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK?

** **

TT2: "Character has a gigantic weapon” cliche  
TG: legit how is that a cliche?  
TT: Both John and Jane have larger than average weapons  
TT: Are you implying that they are anime characters?  
GC: SH3 1S 1MPOSS1BLY SM4LL. TOO SM4LL FOR TH4T W34PON  
CG: THE MUSIC FITS INCREDIBLY WELL HERE.   
CG: IT WAS SLOW AND DELICATE IN THE BEGINNING, FITTING THE SOMBER SCENE, BUT NOW THAT THERE’S A BATTLE, IT KICKS IT UP A NOTCH.   
CG: ALSO.   
CG: HOLY SHIT THAT IS A NICE SCYTHE  
GG: IS THAT A GUN SCYTHE???   
GG: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D   
TG2: ayup.   
TG2: crescent rose  
TG2: hi velocity sniper scythe  
TG2: baddest blade in all of remnant  
TT2: Okay, that’s not bad  
TT2: Totally ripping off other animes, but not bad  
TG2: I tried alchemizing one while we were in the game, but it cost too many...  
TG2: Rubys  
TG2: B)  
CG: I WILL BAN YOU FROM THIS CHAT   
GC: TH4T T4ST3D 4WFUL  
GC: 4R3N’T B4D PUNS 1LL3G4L ON 34RTH  
TT: Unfortunately not  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 ON 4LT3RN14  
TG: I guess she deserves... “pun”ishment  
TG2: I fuckin love you lil bro  
TA: ii’m 2urrounded by fuckiing iidiiot’2  
TT2: Love you too Captor  
TT2: Or should I say, “two.”  
AC: :33< h33h33, this is hissterical!  
CG: OH LOOK, MY FINGER IS HOVERING OVER THE BAN BUTTON.   
CG: WONDER HOW IT GOT THERE?  
CG: MAYBE I’LL PRESS IT IF THIS FUCKING PUN WAR DOESN’T STOP  
TG2: better “war”d em away from it then  
TG2: eyyyyyy  
carcinoGeneticist [CG]  banned  tipsyGnostalgic [TG2]  from memo  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG2] unbanned tipsyGnostalgic [TG2] from memo  
CG: HOW THE FUCK?  
TG2: u forget  
TG2: I am the fuckin best hacker all of paradox space has to offer  
TA: clearly you’re confu2iing you for me  
TG2: ya wanna go capture card?  
TA: what diid you ju2t call me?  
AC: :33< is this blackflirting I s33?  
AC: :33< I must add it to my wall!  
TG: wow fascinating thing going on  
TG: would honestly love to watch it  
TT: This bickering is simply much more fascinating than what we are watching.   
GC: GUYS STOP 1M TRY1NG TO W4TCH TH1S  
GC: OR 4T L34ST T4ST3 IT  


** **

GG: wow.   
GG: I want it  
GG: that much firepower  
TG2: u an me both babe  
TT: I shudder to think what would happen if both of you had a weapon of such power  
TT: Blades and guns.   
TG: I wouldn’t mind having one either  
TG: I mean shit I wouldn’t even have to bother fighting anyone head on   
TG: just start shooting  
TG: that thing’s already segmented anyway so it totally counts as half-blade  
TG: dirk? wanna help a bro out?  
TT2: Absolutely not. the recoil from that thing would send you flying across a planet.  
TT2: Or through.   
TT2: That is, if it didn’t slice you in half  
TG: aw come on  
CG: DAVE, FACE IT.   
CG: IF YOU GOT ANYWHERE NEAR THAT FUCKING DEATH SCYTHE YOU WOULD BE SLICED TO BEYOND RIBBONS  
GC: 4ND YOU S4Y TH1S ON WH4T 4UTHOR1TY?  
CG: SCYTHEKIND WAS A POPULAR STRIFE SPECIBUS IN THE THRESHECUTIONER CORPS.   
CG: I CONSIDERED IT FOR A WHILE AS A PLAUSIBLE STRIFEKIND, BUT DITCHED IT.  
TA: plu2 iit would probably make iit look liike you’re compen2atiing for 2omethiing  
CG: GO SUCK ON A BULGE CAPTOR  
AC: :33< it s33ms kinda unwieldy.   
AC: :33< I mean, that hunk of metal is huge. How does she mew that?  
TG2: liek shit ton of practice  
TT2: Several shit tons.

 

CG: OK THAT’S OVER  
TG2: onto the white trauler!  
TG2: *trailer  
TG2: featuring:   
TG2: badass ice queen of my hart, Weiss Schnee  
CG: AREN’T WE GOING TO DISCUSS THAT?  
TG2: nah.   
CG: FUCK YOU, I'LL DO IT ANYWAY  
CG: I ENJOYED IT. MUSIC WAS GOOD. WEAPON WAS COOL. ANIMATION WAS SLIGHTLY ODD.   
TT2: Eh.   
TT: I personally enjoyed it.   
TG: she’s okay  
GG: it is SO COOL!!!  
AC: :33< I think she’s really purretty and skilled. and the mewsic is really cool  
GC: TH3 SL4UGHT3R T4ST3D D3L1C1OUS, BUT TH3 MONST3RS S33M3D W34K  
GC: 1F 4 T1NY G1RL L1KE TH4T C4N T4K3 OUT SO M4NY, TH3Y’R3 PROBABLY NOT TH4T B4D.   
TG: i’m sorry did you not notice the ten foot death scythe  
TA: iit wa2 okay. but iin 2ome part2 the aniimatiion wa2 pretty bad.  
TA: ii’ve 2een vocaloiid viideo2 wiith better aniimatiion   
TG: since when do you watch vocaloid

AC: :33< aw, she s33ms so sad.   
AC: :33< purrhaps she’s lonely?  
TA: never would have gue22ed that  
TA: not even from the liine “tell me who’2 the lonliie2t of all”  
TT2: “White-haired/scarred Anime character” cliche  
TG2: dirk ur pushin it  
TT: Judging by the fact that her name translates into “White Snow” in German, I’m assuming she’s based on Snow White?  
TG: ten bucks says there’s gonna be magic

TG: she is fighting a twenty foot armored knight  
TG: with a rapier  
TG: in a dress  
TG2: its a combat skirt.  
TG: well excuse me  
TG: she is fighting a twenty foot armored knight in a “combat skirt”  
GG: I fought Lord English in a skirt and sparkly shoes and you never said a word.

 

TA: that thiing ii2 huge  
TA: ii2 iit a robot of 2ome 2ort?  
TA: magiic maybe?  
CG: EITHER WAY, THAT BLADE IS NOT GONNA TICKLE

TG: told ya it was gonna be magic  
TT: She appears to be sourcing this energy  
TG: magic  
TG2: s’not magic  
TT: From the multicolored hilt on her blade.  
TG2: myrtenasstier  
TG2: *myrtenaster  
TG2: it’s also a gun. sorta  
GG: wait, that’s a gun too?  
GC: 1T T4ST3S V3RY MONOCHROM3  
GC: 1 W4S PROM1S3D 4 SHOW W1TH 4 LOT OF COLOR  
AC: :33< she mewves so fluidly  
AC: :33< if I could give her a set of claws she could purrobably be an expurrt huntress

TG: totally magic

GC: BLOOD H4S B33N SP1LT  
GC: TH3 PROT4GON1STS 4R3 NOT 1NF4LL1BL3  
CG: OF COURSE THEY AREN’T. THAT’D BE A REALLY SHITTY SHOW IF THEY WERE.  
AC: :33< she looks hissed off.   
TT: That is the usual reaction to being hit in the face  
TG2: dat high note doe  
GG: :O is that how she got that scar?  
TT2: “Protagonist is scarred in some way” cliche  
TT2: Plus I saw rendering cubes. I thought they were professionals  
TA: jd what are you talkiing about  
TA: the 2car wa2 there the whole tiime  
TA: 2he got punched iin the face and the 2kiin 2pliit on her forehead

GG: so THAT’S how it works!  
GG: the multicolored part of the blade is like the chamber on a revolver, and she can use different colors of   
GG: uh  
GC: GLOWY STUFF >:]  
GG: yeah sure glowy stuff  
GG: to do different things.  
CG: I... DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE THAT  
TG: loud gasping noise  
TG: Karkat Vantas not noticing something completely irrelevant?  
TG: what other impossible things are happening today?  
CG: I’M GOING TO SHOVE THAT WEAPON UP YOUR ASS STRIDER  
TG: no pls senpai  
CG: I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE YOU.  
CG: *PLATONICALLY*  
AC: :33< aww

TT: She seems almost regretful that she has to slay the knight.   
TT: Perhaps it was a guardian when she was younger, and is now forced to destroy as a rite of passage.  
TT2: Ten bucks says she’ll still do it  
TA: of cour2e 2he wiill that thiing wa2 tryiing to kiill her.

GC: WH4T’S WRONG W1TH TH3 MOON >:?  
TG2: HAIL THE SHATTERED MOON or smthn idk  
TG2: the shuttered moon thing was on a shitton of old forums way back when

TT2: Told you she’d kill it

CG: OF COURSE IT WAS ALL A FUCKING DREAM  
GG: it wasn’t a dream, it was a memory!  
TG: memory is the key  
TG2: rly dave. i’m ahsamed  
TG2: *ashamed  
CG: SO THAT WAS THE WHITE TRAILER.  
CG: QUICK THOUGHTS?  
GC: BL4H 4ND MONOCHROM3.   
TT2: Mistakes everywhere. Music wasn't bad  
TT: I agree, the music was good and the animation... less so.  
GG: I thought it was actually a really great idea how they built her weapon!  
AC: :33< she’s really cool actually  
CG: IF THAT WAS A PUN I WILL BAN YOU  
CG: ONTO THE NEXT TRAILER  
TA: what about my opiiniion?  
TG: or mine?  
CG: DON’T GIVE A FUCK. MOVING ON.

TA: agaiin wiith the redflower petal2  
TG2: and now, fur my favorite morally grey badass  
TG2: (drum roll please)  
TG2: Blake Belladonna  
TG2: based on Beauty and the Beast  
GC: TH3R3’S SO MUCH MOR3 COLOR NOW. 1 APPROV3 >:]  
TT: If she’s Beauty, then who’s the Beast?

AC: :33< *AC gasps in AWE!*  
AC: :33< SHE HAS PURRBEAST EARS!!!  
TT2: That’s a bow  
CG: HOLY SHIT, IS THAT ACTUAL DIALOGUE?  
CG: IT’S A GODDAMN MIRACLE!  
TG: and here I thought the entire anime was gonna be silent  
TG: dirk tell me that’s a thing  
TT2: It isn’t, unfortunately  
TT2: Unless you turn off the volume and watch the subtitles

TG2: te Beast 2 her Beauty  
TG2: Adam Taurus  
TG: what’s with the mask  
TT2: It's to hide his smolder  
TA: 2urprii2ed that you diidn’t 2ay iit’2 iironiic  
TG: that just goes without saying

CG: I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE, YOU ARE NOT SURVIVING A JUMP FROM THAT HEIGHT

GC: OF COURS3 TH3Y SURV1V3  
TT: Strangely I am not surprised.  
AC: :33< a cat always lands on her f33t ;33  
TT2: She isn’t a cat  
TT2: I refuse to believe she's a cat  
TG2: well obvs not  
TG: can someone explain why he’s lugging around a fucking sheath instead of   
TG: yanno  
TG: tying it to his belt  
GG: because it looks cooler?  
TG: he looks like he’s carrying around a walking stick  
GG: or a sword  
GG: which is totally badass and cool to carry around  
TG: until it gets stolen right out of your fucking hands

TG: dat ass  
TG2: da booty  
TA: ah fuck you a22e2 beat me two iit  
CG: IF THAT WAS A PUN I WILL BAN YOU  
GC: TH3 SC3N3RY H4S GON3 D3L1GHTFULLY D4RK  
GC: 1T’S 4 N1C3 CONTRAST  
GC: PLUS TH3 BUTTS T4ST3 WOND3RFUL  
CG: I DIDN’T NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE

TG: oh.   
TG: so that’s why he’s lugging it around  
GG: he’s sheathing it in a rifle?  
GG: that can’t be good for the barrel :/  
TT2: It’s cooler that way

GC: W41T.   
GC: SH3 W4S SL1C1NG THOS3 TH1NGS 4P4RT  
GC: W1TH H3R SH34TH  
TT: I would say she is compensating but  
TG: rose no  
TG2: I like where ur mind is goin rosie  
TG2: she’s the most sexified of all the girls imo  
AC: :33< the ribbons are purrobably fur pawndage  
TT2: It’s a known fact that 80% of female clothing in anime is just revealing eyecandy and not practical in the least  
TG2: oh, it gets better.   
TT: In what way?  
CG: WE ARE NOT DISSECTING THE KINKS OF AN ANIMATED CHARACTER  
TA: god know2 iit’2 been done enough

GG: why are they here?  
TG: you ever wonder why we’re here?  
TG2: dave tht’s two.   
TG2: pushin it  
AC: :33< I wanna say that judging by the mewsic, they’re some kind of rebel furce, fighting fur fr33dom  
CG: THEY’RE SICK OF BEING SUBJUGATED AND WANT EQUALITY. BUT WHY?  
AC: :33< maybe beclaws they’re diffurent in some way?  
TT: They’re two disillusioned wannabe rebels, fighting for a form of “freedom” and are willing to use violence to achieve their own ends  
TA: no 2eriiou2ly  
TA: you ever wonder why we’re here?  
CG: YOU MEAN, METAPHORICALLY?  
GC: OR W4TCH1NG TH1S SHOW >:?  
TA: fuck iit. nevermiind.

 

CG: WAIT. IS THAT WEISS’ SYMBOL ON THOSE CRATES?  
TT: Astute observation Karkat.   
TT: I actually didn't notice those before, or their relation to Weiss Schnee  
TG: told you she was some rich girl  
TT2: Well Adam is one cruel motherfucker  
TT2: But what the fuck was even in those crates? they’re just blowing up the train car without doing shit?  
TT2: Was the entire point of this trip blowing shit up? they could have done that remotely.   
GC: DO3S NO ON3 3LS3 H34R TH3 OM1NOUS SOUNDS 1N TH3 B4CKGROUND?  
TA: totally the fiinal bo22

 

TA: called iit.  
CG: THERE IS NO WAY SOMETHING THAT LARGE COULD HAVE HIDDEN UP THERE  
GG: :O  
GG: remind me to find the alchemization code for that thing!  
CG: JADE.   
GG: yeah?  
CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE.   
TG2: oh shosh nubby  
TG2: *shooooosh  
CG: DON’T YOU SHOOSH ME YOUNG LADY  
TG2: ur like six months older than me  
AC: :33< *AC raises eyepurrows suggestively*  
CG: PUT THOSE GODDAMN EYEBROWS BACK DOWN  
TG: and here we see a RageKat, unfortunately common in this area.   
TT2: Their presence often leads to the killing of one’s mood, and mood-deaths have risen sharply in the last year.  
TT2: If this pattern continues, the public’s mood might end up on the endangered species list  
TG: how tragic.   
GC: 1 KN3W 1 LIK3D YOU, MR. OR4NG3 POPS1CL3. 

 

TT: The attack does nothing. I am not surprised  
GG: what do you mean?  
TT: It’s a common trope. The first blow do almost nothing, thereby increasing the contrast between it and the final attack

 

AC: :33< *AC whispers* I ship it  
TG2: nah   
AC: :33< what? they clearly have chemeowstry and a hisstory.   
AC: :33< he just saved her life!  
TG2: you just wait.   
TG2: she’s gnna meet a bunch of rly hot peeps who all adore her  
TG2: he doesn’t stand a chance   
CG: FOR ONCE, I AGREE WITH THE SHIPPER  
CG: IT DOES HINT AT THEM HAVING A HISTORY, AND THEY ARE CLOSE  
CG: I WOULD PUT MY MONEY ON THEM ENDING UP TOGETHER  
AC: :33< *AC gasps* you ship it *she hisspurrs*  
CG: NOT IF YOU SAY THAT

 

TG: okay that’s a pretty cool shot  
TG: but I have to ask  
TG: what the fuck is her weapon  
TG2: Gambol Shroud  
TG2: a Variant Ballistic Chain Scythe  
TG2: It’s a sword  
TG2: a gun  
TG2: and a fuckin kurasigana  
TT2: *Kusarigama  
TG2: thnx dirk  
TT2: No problem  
TT2: That trick with the ribbon wasn’t that bad.   
AC: :33< told ya she was into pawndage  
GG: she uses the recoil and he own jumping abilities to send her flying through the air.   
GG: kinda like Ruby. except with less gigantic weapon

 

TA: thii2 ii2n’t even my fiinal form  
TT2: God damnit Captor  
CG: HE JUST PULLED THIS MOVE OUT OF HIS ASS.   
CG: SOMEONE TELL ME WHY HE COULDN’T HE HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE  
TT2: It wouldn’t have been as epic.   
GG: dramatic effect.   
AC: :33< it looks pawesome?  
TG: irony  
GC: 31TH3R W4Y 1TS D3L1C1OUS  
TT: I’m wondering less about WHY he did it and more HOW he did it.   
TT: Roxy? Care to enlighten us?  
TG2: idk.  
TG2: world ended be4 they ever explained it.   
TG2: probs Dust or some shit  
CG: THE FUCK IS DUST?  
TG2: aaalllll will be revealed, Katkat  
TG2: *Karkat

 

TG: okay what the fuck  
TA: that ii2 hii2 fiinal 2ma2h  
TG2: never exoected u 2 like smash sol  
TG2: *expected bluh  
GG: wow.   
GG: hey rose, you’re associated with roses, you think you could do that?  
TT: Of course. That’s exactly how I defeated Lord English  
TT: Slashing at him with a sword  
GG: rude >:(  
TT2: I could probably attempt something similar if I channeled my soul ripping thing properly   
TT2: Turn into soul eater  
TT2: Or Maka.   
AC: :33< you watch soul eater! :OO  
CG: WE’RE ALREADY WATCHING ONE ANIME. WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER.  
AC: :33< oh shoosh Karkitty! we’re enjoying ourselves  
CG: DON’T YOU DARE. 

 

AC: :33< what? goodbye?  
TG: I hate goodbyes  
TG2: make one more RvB refrence Davey. I dare u

 

AC: :33< NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
GG: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
CG: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
GC: 4LL OF YOU SHUSH.   
GC: TH1S H34RTBR34K 4ND B3TR4Y4L T4ST3S   
GC: JUST L1K3 TH3 R3ST OF TH3 TR41L3R >:[  
TG: really Karkat  
CG: FUCK YOU.   
TT2: And here you see multiple shippers having their hearts destroyed  
TT2: Watch them as they clutch at their feels  
TT2: They just can’t even  
TG: dude we already did the fake tour guide bit  
TT2: I suppose you have a better rebuttal?  
TG2: don't worry guys she’s gonna find someone else  
TG2: someone who has a cute butt and fancy hair  
TT: The weary revolutionary, finally realising how her partner is willing to risk innocent lives to pursue their cause, has doubts and ultimately leaves his care.  
TT: Truly a reflection of the quote at the beginning of the trailer:  
TT: Your hopes have become my burden, I will find my own liberation.   
TA: okay 2o that wa2 the black traiiler.   
TA: ii liiked iit. how about you a22hole2  
CG: I THOUGHT IT WAS VERY GOOD  
TA: cool. moviing on  
CG: WHO DECIDED IT WAS YOU WHO WAS RUNNING THE OPINION SECTION?  
TA: the per2on who can ban you from your own memo, geniiu2  
TA: rx?  
TG2: u already know my own opinion  
TA: r2?  
TT: I enjoyed it. It was much darker than the other trailers, and no less action filled.   
TA: dv? dr?  
TT2: It was alright.   
TT2: Animation still wasn’t the best at some points, but it could have been worse  
TT2: Voice acting on the other hand  
TT2: Peanut butter flowed smoother than that shit  
TG: the sword gun was cool  
TA: np? jd?  
CG: FIGURE YOU’D START ASKING IN TWOS  
TA: fuck off vanta2  
TA: well?  
GG: I enjoyed it! except for the end when she left her friend behind.   
GG: if I could get my hands on that robot though  
AC: :33< I thought that blake was pawesome.   
AC: :33< it’s so sad what happened betw33n her and adam, but she made the right choice.   
TA: cool. let’2 keep goiing.   
CG: FUCK YOU I’M TAKING MY CHAT BACK.   
CG: ONTO THE YELLOW TRAILER

CG: OKAY WHO’S THE ONE ON THE BIKE  
TG2: sister, friends, Karkat  
CG: HEY.   
TG2: this is the bootylicious babe herself  
TG2: Yang Xiao Long  
GC: SH3 T4ST3S L1K3 C1TRUS.   
GC: 1N TH3 B3ST OF W4YS >:]  
CG: IF I NEVER HAD THAT MENTAL IMAGE AGAIN, IT WOULD BE TOO SOON.   
TT: So what fairy tale is she based on?  
TG2: Goldilocks, duh.   
TG2: lookat all dem gold gold locks  
TT2: It is five seconds into the trailer and I already see cleavage.   
TG: rockin the fingerless gloves I see  
GG: what if her bike was the weapon?   
TG2: it’s not. 

TT2: Upskirt shot  
TT: That certainly is a... flattering angle of Miss Xiao Long  
AC: :33< that s33ms horribly impurractical to go fighting in  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIGHTING?  
GC: L1T3R4LLY 3V3RY OTH3R TR41L3R H4S H4D SOM3 SORT OF B4TTL3  
TG2: tat’s not everything fab about Yang  
GG: what kind of bracelets are those?  
TG2: cool ones  
TG: muffled rap music in the distance  
TA: 2ound2 more liike... dub2tep or dance  
TG: you know this how?  
TA: becau2e fuck you that’2 why

CG: WHOA  
GC: WHO4  
AC: :33< whoa  
TG: whoa  
GG: whoa  
TG2: the usal reaction to seeing her head on for the fisrt time  
TG2: *usual *first  
TT: There’s probably some symbolism for this shot  
TT: But I find myself not interested right now  
TG: naaaa sbenyaaaa baba gitsi baba  
TT2: Sithi ummm  
TA: you two are weiird a2 2hiit.  
TA: why do ii hang out wiith you  
TG: because we’re hot  
TT2: Because we’re the only idiots who can build roboots who aren’t, as you say, “2weaty douche2”  
CG: EQUIUS ISN'T *THAT* MUCH OF A DOUCHE  
CG: HE’S NOT THAT BAD WHEN YOU SPEND TIME WITH HIM  
AC: :33< WHAT  
TG: what  
TG2: wow  
GG: oh my god. :D  
CG: WAIT SHIT.  
TT: Well, this took a turn  
CG: LET’S KEEP WATCHING THIS STUPID ANIME  
CG: IS THAT THE SONG FROM THE FIRST TRAILER OR WHAT?  
CG: NICE REMIX  
TA: kk. ii2 there 2omethiing you’re not telliing u2  
TG2: nep’s just staring at her computer in shock  
TG2: karkitten you broke her  
CG: FUCK OFF. ALL OF YOU

CG: OH HEY LET’S CHANGE THE TOPIC TO  
CG: WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE GUYS  
TG2: whitecoat mcsmarmy is gonna be importan later  
TG2: vest mcbeardy is gonna be important now  
TG2: the twins are well you’ll see  
TA: diid you 2ay twiin2  
TT: They’re not real  
TA: damn iit  
AC: :33< don’t furry Pawlux. you’ll find someone.  
AC: :33< John and Jake are purretty similar right?  
TG2: nep pls  
TG2: John is all mine

TT2: that’s a low blow  
TG: that’s below the belt  
GG: I can’t tell if those are puns or they’re sympathising with the guy  
GC: BOTH, PROB4BLY  
TT: Boys are bizarre creatures  
CG: THE DIALOGUE IN THIS TRAILER SEEMS MUCH MORE FLUID THAN THE OTHER TRAILER.   
CG: THEY’RE NOT AS STIFF AS THEY WERE BEFORE  
TA: 2omethiing el2e ii2 probably 2tiiff ehehe  
CG: THAT SHITTY INNUENDO HAS NOW DECREASED MY INTELLIGENCE. THANK YOU.   
CG: ON ANOTHER NOTE, THAT SEEMS TO BE A VERY GOOD INTERROGATION TACTIC  
CG: WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I USED IT ON EGBERT  
AC: :33< ...  
TG: really bro.   
TT: The Freudian slips just keep coming  
CG: GODDAMNIT.   
CG: OH HEY LOOK SHE’S LOOKING FOR SOMEONE. LET’S ALL FOCUS ON THAT SHALL WE?  
GC: TOT4LLY SUBTL3 K4RK4T  
GC: R34LLY

TG: kiss and make up?  
TG: warning: pedophilia ahead  
TT2: Hey, she got into a club with no problem  
GG: you guys are idiots  
GG: she’s not gonna kiss him. 

GG: told ya

TG2: may I introduce you to my fave weapon:  
TG2: Ember Celica  
TG2: it’s a shotgun  
TG2: in gauntlets  
TG2: they’re guntlets  
TT2: If Jake saw those he’d probably piss his pants in glee  
GC: F1N4LLY SOM3 1MPR3SS1V3 F1GHT1NG  
GC: PUNCH1NG P3OPL3 4T 4N OBV1OUSLY 1LL3G4L CLUB  
GC: 4ND TH3 FL4M3S T4ST3 SMOKY  
GC: TH1S 1S WH4T 1 C4M3 H3R3 FOR  
GC: COLORS, F1GHT1NG, 4ND JUST1C3  
TT2: They’re dying.  
TG: not sure that’s fair exchange for opening up a bar  
TA: 2he ii2 hiittiing them at poiint blank range  
TA: they are not gettiing up from that  
GG: those guntlets would be great if I ever wanted to learn fistkind  
TG2: waaaay aheaf of you  
TG2: *ahead  
TG2: I managed to find the code 4 a pair.  
TG2: haven’t used it yet though  
TT: I would advise that you not  
TT: No doubt these guntlets are probably work the same as Ruby’s scythe and could probably send you flying  
GG: don’t worry. the kickback on a shotgun is nothing compared to some of the weapons I’ve handled. 

TG: enter whiny twins  
CG: WOW THEY SOUND STUPID.  
AC: :33< the red one has claws!!

TT2: Ammo switch in the middle of battle.   
TT2: Why?  
TT: Because fuck you that’s why, I presume.   
TT2: Thank you Rose.   
TA: and the twiin2 are moviing iin 2ync, whiich ii2 pretty cool.   
GC: ST1LL NOT R34L  
TA: 2hut up tz  
GG: the girl in the white dress-   
GG: marya?   
GG: just blocked that shot with a blade on her heel.   
CG: I DO LIKE THE MUSIC.   
CG: FIRST IT WAS THE SONG FROM THE RED TRAILER  
TG2: red like roses  
CG: THEN IT WAS THE WHITE TRAILER ONE  
AC: :33< mirror mirror?  
CG: NOW IT’S THE BLACK TRAILER  
TA: you mean from 2hadow2  
CG: YEAH YEAH WHATEVER. 

GC: GOODBY3 M1LSH4  
GC: OR WH4T3V3R YOUR N4M3 W4S  
GC: YOUR D3L1C1OUS DR3SS W1LL BE SOR3LY M1SS3D >:[  
CG: BY NO ONE EXCEPT TEREZI  
AC: :33< how’d she purrvive that?  
AC: :33< that was a shotgun shell to the face!  
AC: :33< and got furled through a column!  
TG2: you’ll figure it out l8r  
TT2: You are being unnecessarily cryptic  
TG2: hush u

CG: INTERESTING PARALLEL  
CG: I’M GUESSING WHATEVER HER NAME IS IS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT “COLD”   
CG: YANG IS CONSTANTLY THROWING OFF FIRE AND HEAT.  
CG: PLUS, THEIR SIGNATURE WEAPONRY IS PARALLELED AS WELL  
CG: MARYA’S BLADES ARE ON HER BOOTS, AND THERE’S NO GUN  
CG: YANG HAS NO BLADE TO BE SEEN, AND HER GAUNTLETS ARE ON HER ARMS  
TG: I guess this means that Marya is  
TG: the Yin to her Yang?  
CG: DIDN’T I SAY SOMETHING ABOUT SHITTY PUNS?  
CG: AND BANNING PEOPLE WHO MADE THEM?

TT2: One butt short and one upskirt shot. Brilliant cinematography  
TG: and down goes annoying twin number two  
TA: they wiill be 2orely mii22ed  
AC: :33< by no one but Pawlux  
AC: :33< don’t worry, you’ll find a nice qu33n fur your tom :33  
TA: thank2 np. ii gue22

TT: And so, with the vanquishing of another character, a forgotten one comes into play   
TA: previiou2ly iirrelevant Juniior ii2 2teppiing up two the bat!  
TG2: which is funny because

TG: you have got to be shitting me  
TG2: nope  
TT2: It’s a batzooka  
CG: GAMZEE WOULD PROBABLY GET A KICK OUT OF THAT  
AC: :33< ...  
GC: ...  
CG: OR NOT MOVING ON  
CG: I’M GONNA GUESS THE NEW MUSIC IS YANG’S “THEME”  
AC: :33< she’s purretty tough, kitten smacked around by a bat like that  
TT: Of course it’s her theme.   
TT: Though I wonder what it means when it says “I’m more than meets the eye”.  
TA: ii’m gonna put my money on the flame2 that 2urround her beiing not normal  
TA: ju2t an iidea, though

TT2: Boob shot  
CG: I SWEAR TO FUCK STRIDER

GG: ooh, what’s up with her eyes?  
TG2: cool shit  
GC: TH3 M4N GOT WH4T H3 D3S3RV3D  
GC: CR33P1NG ON CR33PY YOUNG WOM3N WHO H4V3 SHOTGUN G4UNTL3TS

GG: oooooohhh nooooooo  
GG: he’s done for  
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N >:?  
GG: he messed with her hair  
GG: you don’t mess with a long-haired girl’s hair  
TT: I’m guessing that’s why if I ever mentioned a hairbrush you’d start growling

TG: u know he ded  
TG2: pffft hahaha  
TG2: dat shot doe

CG: WHAT?  
CG: WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?!  
CG: HOW DID SHE GET THERE?  
CG: WAS SHE JUST STANDING THERE THE WHOLE TIME?  
CG: “HEY SIS”?  
CG: WHAT?  
TG2: not expecting that reaction to the ending  
TG2: but yeah

  
CG: AND WHAT IS WITH THAT FUCKING MOON?  
TG: dude chill  
TG: we still have like  
TG: all of Volume 1 to get through  
TT2: You’ll probably get an answer  
TG2: or not

CG: AN ENTIRE VOLUME?  
CG: THIS TOOK AN HOUR!  
CG: IT WAS FOUR TRAILERS  
GG: it did not take an hour  
TT: At most it took maybe twenty minutes  
AC: :33< calm down karkitty  
AC: :33< sh33sh you really do n33d a meowrail  
CG: I DO NOT NEED A MOIRAIL  
CG: OKAY, THOSE WERE THE TRAILERS  
CG: ANYONE GOT ANY OPINIONS?  
CG: I DON’T CARE. LET’S KEEP WATCHING THIS FUCKING THING BEFORE I DIE


	2. Ruby Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now we begin the official series!!! woo hoo! ok, quick question for you guys: should I caption the images, or not? please tell me in the comments which you would prefer!

TG2: and now, onto  
TG2: drumroll please  
TG2: voolume/episode 1!!!

TT2: Exposition.   
TT2: Not surprised if it NEVER comes back.  
CG: WHAT’S WRONG WITH NARRATION?  
CG: IT’S A CONVENIENT AND EASY WAY TO EXPLAIN SHIT  
TT2: It’s time consuming, boring, and inconsistent  
TA: ii2 that...   
TA: waiit.   
TA: that’2 cortana.  
TA: human2 had Halo?  
TG2: yup. sorta where this all cae from  
TG2: *came  
TA: how  
TG2: well the guys who make RWBY make a thing called Red vs Blue  
GC: YOU GUYS H4D 4 R3D VS BLU3   
TG: hell yeah we did  
TG: fuck yeah red team  
AC: :33< pawviously the blue team is clawesomer than the dumb reds  
CG: NO  
CG: FOR ONCE IN HIS ANNOYING LIFE, HE’S RIGHT.  
CG: RED TEAM IS VASTLY SUPERIOR  
TT2: No, it’s Blue Team.  
TT2: They had three Freelancers  
GC: ON3 OF WHOM D13D, 4NOTH3R ON TH3 RUN, 4ND 4 TH1RD STUCK W1TH C4BOOS 4ND TUCK3R  
TA: ii can’t deciide. 2ome day2 iit’2 red, 2ome day2 iit’2 blue  
GG: all of you are wrong. freelancers is where it’s at  
TT: I believe I agree with Jade on this argument.   
TT: The Freelancers supposedly were fighting long before the Reds and Blues were.  
TT: And most of them survived.   
TG: plus no one on red teams died yet  
TA: church doe2n’t count, he’2 an AII  
CG: WHATEVER. BACK TO THE SHOW

TG: they used the sims. makes sense  
GG: so THAT’s how they powered their weapons!  
GG: they used dust!  
TG2: told ya it wasn’t magic guys.  
TT: But how do they use this Dust to power their weapons?  
TT: Is it inert, or does it carry energy?  
TG: do we know? nope  
TG: do we care? also nope  
TA: actually ii DO wanna know  
TA: iif iit’2 ju2t eiither du2t or cry2tal2, how do they u2e iit in 2word2 and 2hiit?  
TG2: I shall introduce you to world of remnant at a l8r date sparkplug  
TA: what  
AC: :33< ooohhh  
TA: don't you dare 2tart 2hiippiing u2 np.

TT2: It’s him.  
GC: TR3NCHCO4T MCSM4RMY  
GC: T4ST3S L1K3 OR4NG3 SH3RB3RT M1X3D W1TH...  
GC: V4N1LL4 1C3 CR34M. 4ND STR4WB3RR13S  
TT: The henchman with the ridiculous shades are back  
GG: he looks like that guy from a clockwork orange!  
TG: when did you see that movie  
TG: if i tried to watch that movie now bro would probably come back from the dead and kick my ass  
GG: on the ship with john. it wasn’t that bad  
TG: that was rated nc-17  
TT: I see your point. The hair, plus the bowler hat both allude to Alex from A Clockwork Orange  
CG: I TRIED WATCHING IT ABOUT A SWEEP BEFORE THE GAME STARTED  
CG: CRABDAD SHREDDED THE DISC

CG: I WONDER WHO THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE?

TT2: Callin it now  
TT2: This guy’s gonna be our Cabbage guy  
AC: :33< your who?  
TG2: you guyss had rvb but not avatar?  
TG: no wonder it was a nightmare  
TA: ii2n’t avatar that moviie jk goe2 on about all the tiime  
TT: No.   
TT: They never made a movie about Avatar: The Last Airbender.  
TT: Shame.  
TG: yeah they did  
TG2: dave.   
TG2: they didn’t make an atla movie  
TT2: There is no war in Ba Sing Se

AC: :33< enfur the purrotagonist  
CG: NO ONE IS THAT CASUAL WHEN THEY’RE TOLD THEY’RE BEING ROBBED  
TA: what iidiiot tell2 the per2on he’2 robbiing that he’2 goiing two rob them?  
GC: 1D1OT1C CR1M1N4LS  
GC: THOS3 USU4LLY DON’T 3V3N M4K3 1T TO TH3 NOOS3, TH3Y’R3 JUST 34T3N FOR TH31R STUP1D1TY

TG: unnecessary flourish  
TG: kickass music  
TG: it’s about to go down  
CG: YES WE GET IT STRIDER SHUT UP  
TT2: The return of the death scythe  
TG: you’re sure that  
TT2: Nope, not gonna build it.  
TG: dammit  
TA: where2 the mu2iic from, her headphone2?  
TA: becu2e iif 2o, that’2 not how mu2iic works.  
TG: again with the music   
TA: what, ju2t becau2e ii 2pend a 2hiit ton of tiime onliine ii can't enjoy 2ome good mu2iic?

AC: :33< ouch. that’s gotta hurt.  
GC: JUST1C3 W3LL S3RV3D  
TG2: they never learned their lesson form their fight with Yang  
TG2: *from  
TG2: also cute boots  
TT: So this is how she fights without killing others, utilising the momentum to slam the blunt edges of her weapon into her opponents.   
TT2: Still would probably kill someone.   
TT2: I mean   
TT2: Did you not see the blunt end of her scythe slam into the chest of one of the goons  
TT2: No one is going to get up from that  
TG2: that’s why shes awesome

TG: gotta go fast  
TA: gotta go fa2t  
TA: 2hiit  
TG: guess I went two fast for you captor  
TA: fuck you you iin2ufferable priick

GG: wait  
GG: is his cane his gun?  
GG: how does that even work?  
GG: there’s no visible magazine  
GG: where’s the trigger?  
GG: you can’t even see out of that sight!  
TT2: Jade. It's an animation.  
TT: Technically, it's also physically impossible for Crescent Rose to propel Ruby in that way, but that point is moot  
GG: I know but I can't suspend my disbelief on this one  
GG: it looks super dumb and impractical :(  
TG: your complaints will be noted   
TG2: an ignored. 

TT2: Explosions! Loud noises! Possible death!  
TT2: Or not, seeing as she gets up unscathed somehow.  
TG2: aura  
TT2: Deus Ex Machina  
TT: Aura Ex Machina?  
GC: 1’M NOT SUR3 TH4TS HOW D3US 3X M4CH1N4 WORKS  
TG: i have no idea how it works period

CG: HOW THE FUCK DID HE MOVE SO FAST?  
CG: HE WAS THREE FEET IN FRONT OF HER TWO SECONDS BEFORE.  
CG: DID HE TELEPORT OR SOME SHIT?  
TG2: there were a bunch of theries that he was actually a robot.  
TA: 2tiil doe2n’t excu2e the goddamn teleportiing  
TA: robot2 have two obey the law2 of phy2iic2 liike anyone el2e iin thii2 2tupiid world

TT: Oh yes, a wonderful idea.   
TT: Go after the man who tried to blow you up already, with absolutely no backup.  
GG: she's just trying to help the shopkeeper!   
AC: :33< by going after the guy?  
AC: :33< he's already tried to blow her up once  
AC: :33< what's to stop him from making a repeat purrfurmance?

GC: JUDG1NG BY TH3 S1Z3 OF TH3 BU1LD1NG, TH4T SH1P COULDNT H4V3 H1DD3N B3H1ND 1T  
TT2: Do not say that there’s an explanation for this  
TG2: yeah i got nothin

CG: OKAY, DO YOU HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THAT?!  
CG: HOW HE MANAGED TO SCALE FORTY FUCKING FEET IN A SINGLE BOUND?  
TG: hes superman  
CG: THAT’S NOT A REASON, THAT’S AN EXCUSE AND A SHITTY JOKE.  
TG2: vantas, u need to chill  
TG2: suspend yo disbelief 4 like   
TG2: 2 hrs mebbe  
CG: I’LL SUSPEND MY DISBELIEF WHEN THIS MAKES LOGICAL SENSE

TG: u know she ded  
TA: 2eeiing a2 2he’2 2urviived explo2iion2 before, ii don’t thiink 2o  
AC: :33< besides, didn’t you s33 someone pounce in front of her?  
AC: :33< maybe she was purrotected furom the blast  
GG: I’m not so sure. I mean, even though she *is* the main character, I don’t think anyone could survive a blast like that without a proper shield :(  
TT: It does appear that the Dust crystals are explosive, and our antagonist fired directly at it.  
TT: Even if she was able to block it somehow, she would have suffered from severe burns and possibly injury from being knocked back.

TT2: Ok what?  
TT2: The blast was BELOW her. How could this new chick stop it from above?  
GC: TH3 BL4ST W4S 1N FRONT OF TH3 TWO OF TH3M  
GC: M1SS GR4P3 F4NT4 US3D H3R W31RD BUT T4STY SH13LD TO PROT3CT TH3M BOTH  
GC: T4ST3S L1K3 BLU3B3RRY YOGURT. OR 4 SMOOTH13  
TT: I wonder if this shield is similar to the platforms Weiss used to fight the giant mech  
TG: is it a mech  
TG: are we in pac rim  
TG: are there any kaiju i gotta worry about  
TG: theres probably two guys sitting in that thing like  
TG: fuckin hell man we coulda gotten one of the cool mechs but nope  
TG: were stuck in the middle of nowhere with a giant suit of armor fighting little girls  
TG: how do we even fit in this thing  
TG: we couldve ended up in the shatterdome  
TG: we coulda been a contender  
TT2: We could’ve been the next Gipsy Danger  
TT2: Hell we got a giant ass sword way before they did why couldn’t we fight  
TG: an ass sword  
TG: bro thats probs hella unsanitary  
TT2: Hey fuck you no kinkshaming  
CG: AEJHBIKJHCUOIEKJCV  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP  
TA: ii would 2ay go fuck your2elf on your own 2word2, but  
CG: YOU TOO, CAPTOR  
TA: ehehehehehehe

GG: whooooaaa  
GG: what is that?  
TG2: hell if I know   
TG2: crazy teacher magyyks  
GG: no not that! before!  
GG: were those like, missiles or something?  
AC: :33< defurnitely something similar  
TG2: def dust based, but no idea how she does it  
TG2: shes based on a witch so  
GC: TH1S SC3N3 1S D3L1C1OUSLY COMPOS3D

TT2: Translucent spiky crystalline heels  
TT2: those will definitely end well if she’s running and/or twists an ankle  
TG2: u forget  
TG2: anime  
AC: :33< I have to agr33 with dirk here  
AC: :33< you can't really fight well in h33ls  
AC: :33< no matter what clawnaya says!  
GC: WH1L3 TH1S SC3N3 1S T4ST3FULLY R3ND3R3D  
GC: (H3H3H3H3H3)  
CG: I THOUGHT WE AGREED NO MORE FUCKING PUNS  
CG: I GAVE YOU THE ONE BEFORE BUT THEY’RE JUST GETTING WORSE  
CG: GOOD LORD, HAVE YOU NO SELF RESPECT?  
GC: SHUT UP 1’M M4K1NG 4 PO1NT  
GC: 4NYW4Y  
GC: WH4T 1 DON’T UND3RST4ND 1S:  
GC: WHY DON’T TH3Y JUST SHOOT H3R >:?  
TG2: reasons  
TT: I don’t suppose you’d explain these reasons to us  
TG2: nah  
TG2: much more fun to let you watch

GG: didn’t he tilt the controller thingie in the other direction?  
GG: that doesn't make any sense  
TG: jade  
TG: this show stopped making sense when the glowy purple spikes started flying

TT2: Odd magical bullshit  
TT2: Really short skirt  
TT2: Yup, we’re in an anime  
TG2: asscape numero due  
TA: what-cape2  
TG2: just wait ;)  
TA: don't do that

TG2: aaaand thats why ruby couldn’t shoot her  
TT: Force fields. Considering the firepower they have on hand, I’m not surprised  
AC: :33< but who is she  
TG2: someone. you'll figueit out l8r  
TG2: *figure it goddamn  
TT2: Clearly, the abilities we saw during the trailers is only a small selection of what people can do here.   
TG2: u got no idea

TG2: precious bb

TG2: beautiful cinnanmon roll too perfect for this world, too pure  
TG: she just tried to shoot someone  
CG: SHE FOUGHT OFF A LARGE GROUP OF BUMBLING HENCHMEN WITH A DEATH SCYTHE  
TT: Not to mention the Red trailer, where she fought a horde of crazed Beowolves singlehandedly.   
TG2: BEUTIFUL CINNAMON ROLL  
TG2: TOO PURRFECT FOR THIS WORLD  
TG2: TOO PURE

TT2: Jump cut to her being scolded because of her actions.  
TT2: No Ruby, “They started it!” is not a good reason to attack a group of helpless goons.  
GC: TH3Y D1D H4V3 W34PONS. 1 WOULDN’T C4LL TH3M H3LPL3SS  
TT2: They were goons, therefore they are helpless  
TT: This is an interesting conversation in that it draws attention to Ruby’s  
TT: How do I put it  
TT: Her lack of maturity.   
TT: She leapt into battle with no thought for anyone around her, other than a casual check to see if anyone was injured. If not for the teacher’s interference, she would not have been killed by that explosion.   
CG: HOWEVER SHE GETS OFF WITH A PAT ON THE BACK...

TA: and a 2lap on the wrii2t  
GG: was the slapping necessary  
GC: OF COURS3. 1T K33PS TH3 ON3 B31NG 1NT3RROG4T3D OFF B4L4NC3, 4ND TH3R3FOR3 UN4BL3 TO K33P TH31R L13S STR41GHT

TT2: Now who’s this guy  
TT2: Another white-haired anime protagonist?  
AC: :33< he has gray hair, duh  
TA: who the fuck briing2 cookiie2 two an iinterrogatiion  
TG: awesome people  
GG: nice people?  
TT: It could potentially be an interrogation tactic. Think the classic Good Cop/Bad Cop routine  
CG: OK, SO HER FULL NAME IS RUBY ROSE  
CG: RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WERE SURPRISED BY THAT  
TG: *raises hand*  
CG: PUT THAT BACK DOWN  
AC: :33< ooh are we allowed to role-play now? *AC purrs in excitement*  
CG: NO. 

TT: She has silver eyes.  
TT: Undoubtedly that will be relevant later.  
GG: he doesnt need to be so creepy about it  
TA: quiick que2tiion.  
TA: why ii2 he 2urprii2ed that 2he can fiight? even wiith 2uppo2edly “one of the mo2t dangerou2 weapon2 ever de2iigned”, iif 2he doe2n’t fiight, 2he’ll get her2elf kiilled.  
TT2: Typically, humans living on Earth did not absolutely need to learn how to fight in order to survive. Most of our group were outliers and therefore should not be counted.

TT2: Those cookies disappear on contact with her mouth. Brilliant job animation crew. Flawless.  
TG2: u try animating a million characters with like ten people every week.

AC: :33< who’s this “dusty old crow” he’s talking about?  
AC: :33< what’s an uncle?  
TG: do giant robots attack  
TG: fuck what’s that anime where we have to get in the fucking robot  
TT2: Neon Genesis Evangelion.   
TT2: Roxy, any info on this dusty old crow?  
TG: also  
TG: why is it always crows with you people.  
TG: crows ravens or hawks like good lord  
TG: why can’t we have mysterious blue jays or something  
TG2: uncle Qrow is p cool, from what we know  
TG2: which is like  
TG2: a whle lotta nothin  
TG2: *whole. dumb soda-sticky keys  
GC: S3R1OUSLY THOUGH WH4T’S 4N UNCL3  
GG: it’s your parent’s sibling!  
GG: like if i had a kid, john would be their uncle.  
CG: DID HER UNCLE THING TRAIN HER TO ACT THIS RIDICULOUS.  
CG: I MEAN, YOU’RE PRACTICALLY A JUNIOR THRESHECUTIONER KID, ACT LIKE IT

TT: You want to slay monsters?  
GC: DO3SN’T 3V3RYBODY

TG2: oh you sweet summer child  
TA: thii2 ii2 not gonna end well  
TT2: What do you mean?  
TA: 2he’2 romantiiciiziing beiing thii2 weiird “Huntre22” thiing. 2he’ll hate iit once 2he joiin2.  
TA: once 2he realiize2 iit doe2n’t liive up two her expectatiion2, 2he’2 fucked.  
TA: 2hockiingly enough, not everythiing ii2 liike what you 2ee iin popular mediia  
TG2: can i say amen to that or  
TA: no fuck off

TT2: The “do you know who I am?” cliche  
TT: Who turns out to be the literal Wizard of Oz  
TG2: wut about wizards  
TT: In the original series, the Wizard’s full name was Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs, which spelled out O-Z-P-I-N-H-E-A-D  
TT: This character can be known as Professor OZPIN, HEADmaster of Beacon Academy  
TG: you googled that full name didn’t you  
TT: I don't know what you’re talking about

TG: purple teacher lady is not paid enough for this  
CG: WAIT, HE’S JUST *LETTING* HER INTO THAT SCHOOL?  
CG: WHAT THE HELL? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PRESTIGIOUS ACADEMY.  
CG: SHE’S TOO FUCKING YOUNG AS WELL!  
CG: NO APPLICATION? NO ANYTHING?   
CG: BULLSHIT!  
TG2: u need like  
TG2: an entire bottle of chill pills kitkat bar  
CG: I AM NOT ANY OF YOUR RIDICULOUS AND OVERLY SWEET CHOCOLATE CANDY  
AC: :33< *AC purrks her head up in delight*  
CG: FUCK ALL OF YOU

GC: SH3 LOOKS TO B3 1N P41N  
AC: :33< that looks uncomfurtable  
TG: hugs are like  
TG: human’s best defense against each other  
CG: YOU NEVER MENTIONED THAT WHILE ON THE METEOR  
TG: i thought we agreed to not mention that

TA: what about bee2  
TG: bee’s knees. no actual bees  
TT: It typically means an outstandingly good person or thing.  
GG: who are all those people in the background?  
TG2: not important

TT2: “Main character wants to be normal” cliche.   
TG: dude  
TG: stop  
TT: It is a valid characterisation.   
TT: Typically teenagers around her age don’t want to be singled out or seem special, instead wanting to blend into the background and avoid drawing attention to themselves  
CG: IT WOULDN’T BE A CLICHE IF IT WASN’T HOW A LOT OF PEOPLE FEEL 

TA: waiit what   
AC: :33< *AC lets out a yowl of excitement*  
AC: :33< I knew it! *she says* faunus! animal people!  
TT2: Goddamnit.   
GC: MY SUSP3NS1ON OF D1SB3L13F HAS BEEN SHATTERED.   
TG: it took you this long   
TG: i gave up believing this shit when the cane gun came into play  
GG: ooh but who’s this white fang group?  
GG: i remember that book! it was cool!   
TG2: didn’t the dog die at the end  
GG: no, of course not

GC: 4ND NOW W3 H4V3 4 N4M3 FOR 3XH4UST3D T34CH3R L4DY  
TT: Glynda Goodwitch  
TT: I don't think they’re even trying to be subtle  
AC: :33< what do you mean?  
TT: The counterpart to the Wizard of Oz in the eponymous movie is named Glinda, the “Good Witch” of the North.   
TA: iin2ert iin2piiriing 2peech about duty and guardiian2hiip and 2o on here  
TG: truth justice and the american way  
  
CG: YOU’VE HAD THAT SAME VIEW THE ENTIRE TIME YOU’VE BEEN UP HERE

CG: AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING  
TG2: its an airship  
TG2: it ships people   
TG2: by air  
CG: THAT’S NOT AMUSING AND YOU SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED  
TG2: excuse u i am hilarious  
TT2: The real question is,  
TT2: How does it even work?  
TG: the power of the animes man  


TA: well  
TA: thii2 guy won’t be iimportant at all

GC: WH4T 4 D3L1C1OUSLY T4ST1NG SHOT  
TG2: the bacon cliffs  
TG: don’t you mean like beacon or something  
TG2: nah  
CG: WELL, THAT WAS EPISODE 1: RUBY ROSE  
CG: COMMENTS? CONCERNS?  
TG: cool music. not enough fighting.   
AC: :33< i enjoyed it! it was silly and exciting. and ruby is really cute!  
TT: It is palatable. Ruby seems to be the archetypal “underdog”, but that is to be expected  
TT2: Eh  
TT2: Excuse my Canadian  
GC: WH4T’S 4 C4N4D14N  
GG: im enjoying it! :) even if some of the weapons arent practical, theyre still cool.  
TA: iit could be wor2e. iit could be 2word art onliine  
TG2: ouch  
GC: MY OP1N1ON 1S TH4T 1T’S NOT TH3 WORST TH1NG 1N TH3 WORLD   
GC: 1T N33DS MOR3 COLOR >:]  
CG: YOU THINK EVERYTHING NEEDS MORE COLOR, GOOD LORD


	3. The Shining Beacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we return to watch the group watch The Shining Beacon. Arguments are had, animes are referenced, snark is exchanged, the usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rises from the ashes like Mushu* I LIIIIIIIIIIVE. Yeah, I planned to have this done before Volume 3 (and by 'this' I mean all of Volume 1) but that didn't end well. BUT HERE I AM. And so we begin again.

TG: so like  
TG: how do these episodes work out again  
TG2: whale  
TG2: technically theres sixteen eps, but it’s just a lot easier to combine the episodes  
TG2: so we’re watchin like twelve  
CG: I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS IS RELEVANT TO THE CURRENT SITUATION  
CG: WE’RE WATCHING THESE EPISODES ON RIGHT AFTER THE OTHER, IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER HOW THE EPISODES ARE SET UP.  
TG2: sheeeeeeesh chill. now shush cuz the best part’s on.   
  
TA: plot twii2t   
GC: D4MN.   
TT2: Well that went from 0 to 100 very quick.   
TG2: yeah. the music’s hype as shit. 

AC: :33< *AC gasps*  
AC: :33< did anyone else s33 that? *she asks*  
AC: :33< on the moon!  
TG2: yah adam lives on the moon  
TT: I don’t suppose you’ll explain what that means  
TG2: its like  
TG2: i dunno  
TG2: not even a meme  
TG2: inside joke?   
TG2: yeah probs that 

TT2: On that day, humanity received a Grimm reminder  
TA: 2top. 

GG: ooh, new characters! are they based on colors too?  
TG: Vomit Boy and the B-Team  
TG2: excuse u the b team is très grand  
TG: roxy i don’t speak russian  
TT: That’s not... Never mind.

CG: SO WE FINALLY HAVE A TITLE SEQUENCE. GLAD IT TOOK US AN HOUR TO GET IT.  
GC: C4LM DOWN, 1T W4SN’T 4N HOUR  
GG: at most it was maybe half an hour.   
CG: MY POINT STILL STANDS  
TT: Your point doesn’t make any sense. Now shush.

TA: gee ii wonder who the protagonii2t2 are  
TT: Definitely Silhouette #3

TG: you just got into your dream school two years early  
TG: what’re you gonna do next?  
GC: GO TO TH3 SCHOOL?  
GC: WH1CH, WH1L3 T4ST3FULLY R3ND3R3D, 1S ST1LL V3RY GR3Y 4ND BLUH  
GC: 1 DO 3NJOY TH3 CH3RRY SPR1NKL3D B4NNERS, HOW3V3R

AC: :33< SHES SO CUTE  
AC: :33< she is a purrecious cinnamon roll!  
AC: :33< she’s so excited to s33 all the weapawns!  
TT2: Chibis. Check.   
TA: meanwhiile yang look2 at her liike 2he’2 gone off her rocker  
CG: ARE THERE REALLY PEOPLE WHO GET *THAT* EXCITED OVER WEAPONS?  
TA: have you ever 2een eriidan’2 collectiion of riifle2  
TA: ii thiink he name2 all of them. iit’2 weiird.   
GC: 1 H4V3N’T S33N TH3M. >:]  
TA: ii-  
TA: goddamniit ii thought we agreed no pun2  
AC: :33< does self- refurencing humour count as puns?  
GG: wait is it really weird if you name your rifles?  
GG: hehe oops  
TT: Don’t worry Jade. Naming inanimate objects is a common rite of childhood.  
TT2: Rifles is just a really weird choice. Most kids stick to stuffed animals or something.

TT: “It’s like meeting new people!... But better.”  
TT: A social outcast who prefers the company of inanimate objects to people?  
TT2: Adding it to the list.  
TG2: rly  
TG2: both of you  
TG2: have u no shame  
TG2: my own flesh n blood  
TA: they are riight. haviing an ob2e22iion over 2tuff liike thii2 ii2 unhealthy  
CG: YOU’RE ONE TO TALK, MR. I-HAVE-NOT-SLEPT-IN-THREE-NIGHTS-BECAUSE-I-HAVEN’T-FOUND-THE-BUG-IN-THE-CODE-YET  
TA: hey fuck you  
  
GC: L3T M3 GU3SS  
GC: W3’R3 N3V3R GONN4 4CTU4LLY S33 TH3M  
TG2: nop  
TT: Figures  
CG: WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?

TT2: Surprise surprise, Weiss is actually a cold hearted bitch  
AC: :33< y33sh, she doesn’t have to be so mean about it!   
AC: :33< ruby tripped by accident! it wasn’t her fault all your dumb bags were in the way!  
GG: aw no, i thought she would be cool!  
TG: she is cool though.   
TG: cool as ice  
TT: Somewhere the entire band Foreigner is suddenly very happy for some reason

GG: so THATS what happens when you mess around with dust!  
GG: thats really cool! does it function like a magical gunpowder? how good is it at propelling bullets? do different types of dust do different things?  
TT2: How does one sneeze set off such an explosion?  
GC: WHY 4R3 TH3Y NOT D34D?  
TA: why wa2 that 2o paiinfully rendered?  
CG: WHY IS NOBODY ASKING QUESTIONS RELEVANT TO THE SCENE BEFORE US?  
TG: why would anyone wanna do that

TG2: teh final character to be revealed!!!!  
TG2: tadaaaah  
TT: Does the ‘Nerdy Bookworm’ character fit on our list of tropes?  
TT2: Right next to “Cold-Hearted Character”.  
TT: Perfect.   
TG2: why must you both do this  
TT2: Because it’s fun picking apart forms of media and insulting them.  
CG: IS ANYONE ELSE CURIOUS AS TO WHAT SHE’S READING?  
GC: 1 W4NN4 S4Y PORN   
CG: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT  
GC: S33MS TH3 B3ST OPT1ON  
AC: :33< youd be purprised how easy it is to read that with a straight face sometimes  
CG: THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S USUALLY UNREALISTIC AND ROMANTICISED IN ORDER TO AROUSE ITS AUDIENCE  
CG: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW EASY IT IS?  
AC: :33< how do you know its so romanticised???   
CG: ... TOUCHE. 

TG: wow hittin hard with the insults  
TG: ‘you're too young to go here’  
TG: oh snap  
TG: ‘yeah well you're a princess’

TG2: its HEIRESS actually  
GC: WH4T 1S TH1S 1 SM3LL 4BOUT QU3ST1ON4BL3 BUS1N3SS P4RTN3RS :?  
GC: COLOR M3 1NTR1GU3D  
TT: Hmm. An interesting twist on the ‘daughter of the evil king’ trope?  
CG: NOT LIKELY. THIS WOULD IMPLY THAT SHE’S NOT ACTUALLY EVIL  
TA: ‘oh, miirror, why am ii alway2 2o alone?’  
TA: becau2e you’re a cold biitch, that2 why

TT2: Blake withdraws coolly

GG: ohhhhhhh noooooo  
AC: :33< shes all alone   
TT: “Lonely Outcast” trope  
TG: to be honest  
TG: she’s only met like three people

GC: R3-3NT3R VOM1T BOY  
GC: WHO 1S NOW KNOWN 4S J4UN3  
TG: i dunno why  
TG: but i like him already  
TT2: Probably because he’s the cliche straight white boy character who will inevitably take over the show.   
TG2: i mean u right  
TG2: at least a little bit  
TG2: le sign  
GG: at least hes nice!  
GG: i mean he DID offer to help her up  
TT: Though arriving so quickly meant he was close by when the scene happened and yet did nothing to interfere  
TG: he couldn’t have seen the whole thing like  
TG: he could’ve just seen blake walkin away  
TG: and gone  
TG: “wow they’re shits lemme be a nice dude and help this girl up”.  
TT: Potentially  
CG: THAT ‘POTENTIALLY’ DOESN’T SOUND GOOD  
TT: It wasn’t meant to. 

TG: again with the hard hitting insults  
TG: i mean crater face?  
TG: thats a low blow  
TA: ii2 iit ju2t me or ii2 2he doiing the “ALIIEN2” po2e  
CG: IT’S JUST YOU

AC: :33< “jaune arc. short, sw33t, rolls off the tongue-ladies love it!”  
AC: :33< h33h33 he’s a dork

GC: W34PONS 4R3 4LW4YS 4N 3NT1R3LY 4PPROPR14T3 SUBJ3CT TO D1SCUSS  
TT2: Whipping out yours like a dick in a locker room totally doesn’t look like you’re compensating or anything  
TT: Though it is worthy of note that she shied away from the discussion of her mother and instead turned to a more comfortable subject: her scythe.  
TT: Touchy subject, perhaps?  
CG: JESUS WHAT IS IT WITH EARTH MEDIA AND KILLING ONE OF THE DOUBLE LUSII  
CG: DO NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER FORM OF MOTIVATION?  
CG: DO ALL CHILDREN DEPRIVED OF ONE OF THE LUSUS FIGURES TURN INTO A WEAPON-WIELDING MANIAC?  
CG: BECAUSE I’M SEEING A CORRELATION HERE  
TG2: yesh  
TG2: all chilldren minssing a parent are taken to secret training facilities  
TG2: where tey are taught the art of weaponry and   
TG2: other stuff normal kids with single parents need to know  
TG2: *children *missing *they  
TG2: i need a new keyboard  
TG2: sunlight yellow overdrive can you hook me up  
TT2: Really Roxy?  
TG2: wasn't talking to you  
TA: buiild your own goddamn keyboard  
TA: do you have any iidea how long iit took to alchemiize thii2 thiing?  
TG2: perf send me the code  
TA: fuck off

GC: 1T’S 4LSO 4 GUN.   
GG: customizable high impact sniper rifle????  
GG: i need it.   
CG: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT

AC: :33< oh j33z. does he even know how to use that thing?  
AC: :33< howd he get into that school if he’s so bad?  
TG: hey.  
TG: don’t go harshin on my man jaune  
GC: 1T’S B33N 3XH1B1T3D B3FOR3 TH4T B34CON’S SCR33N1NG PROC3SS 1SN’T TH3 B3ST  
CG: BUT IT DOES BEG THE QUESTION:  
CG: HOW *DID* THIS GUY GET INTO THE SCHOOL?  
TT: Roxy?   
TT: Care to explain?  
TG2: ehehe  
TG2: spoilers

GG: weapons nerds  
GC: SH3 FORG3D TH4T MONSTROS1TY H3RS3LF?  
GC: GOTT4 4DM1T TH4T’S PR3TTY COOL  
GC: WHY C4N’T TH3Y 4LL JUST DO TH4T  
CG: I’M GUESSING THE “MY SWORD IS AN HEIRLOOM” THING AND HIS PAST WILL BECOME RELEVANT IN SOME WAY IN THE FUTURE  
TT: That seems to be the most likely result

TA: aaaand they’re lo2t  
TA: iincrediible  
TA: tell me how diid you 2urviive fiightiing that roman guy?  
TA: and all tho2e griimm?  
TG: anime bullshit

TT: Anyone have any idea where Yang is?  
TG2: rly  
TT: There has never been a less appropriate time  
GG: what spot is she saving? they’re standing room only  
AC: :33< why didn’t she just purring him with her?  
CG: WHY DOES THE LINE “WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND ANOTHER NICE, QUIRKY GIRL TO TALK TO” MAKE ME THINK WE’RE MEETING ANOTHER CHARACTER?

TA: enter “niice quiirky giirl” he want2 to talk to  
CG: I KNEW IT  
TT2: She’s probably “Not Like Other Girls”.  
TT2: Quick, someone Photoshop a fedora onto his head

TG: dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun  
TG2: THE GREAT WEISS SHARK!!!!  
CG: DIDN’T WE MAKE AN AGREEMENT ABOUT FUCKING PUNS?!  
GC: TO B3 HON3ST TH4T RUL3 D1DN’T L4ST TH4T LONG.  
GC: 1 4DV1S3 YOU JUST QU1T WH1L3 YOU’R3 4H34D  
TT2: “Talking about the character without knowing they’re behind me” cliche.  
TT: I have to admit I’m partial to that one. 

TG2: “oh my god you really exploded.”  
TA: ii2 Weii22 really a2 threateniing a2 2he 2eem2?  
AC: :33< purrobably. she wouldn’t be there if she didn’t know what she was doing  
GC: TO B3 F41R TH1S 1S TH3 S4M3 SCHOOL TH4T L3T 1N J4UN3

GG: now that’s just plain rude! >:(  
GG: just because she tripped doesn’t mean she has no idea what she’s doing!  
GG: it probably takes a lot more upkeep to take care of her scythe than your stupid toothpick!  
GG: oh, sorry, i meant your sword. i couldn’t tell the difference!  
AC: :33< yikes  
AC: :33< are you okay jade?  
GG: i’m fine. i just don’t like assholes who act like everyone else is an imbecile

TT: “Yeah! And we can paint our nails and try on clothes and talk about cute boys, like tall, blond, and scraggly over there!”  
TT: She’s incredibly sarcastic. I think I like her.   
TG: the lady doth protest too much, methinks  
TG: or whatever that dumb line is

CG: THE OH SO WISE HEADMASTER SPEAKS  
CG: AND PROCEEDS TO GIVE A ROUSING SPEECH ABOUT HOW USELESS THEY ALL ARE. IN-FUCKING-CREDIBLE.   
CG: IS THIS THE SAME GUY WHO LET RUBY INTO THE SCHOOL?  
TT2: Though the real question is   
TT2: Is it wise to stick a bunch of hormonal teenagers into a single room for a full night?  
TA: ii2 iit wii2e two piick up chiick2 iin a dungeon?  
TG2: is it wise to keep referencing even more dumb animes

TG: “i’m a natural blonde you know”  
TA: wow  
TG2: and so begins the slumber party!  
GC: TH3 WH4T  
TG2: you know, where everyone hangs out and has a party in their pajamas and watches movies and eats too many snack to be healthy?  
GC: 4R3 W3 NOT DO1NG TH4T R1GHT NOW >:?  
TG2: ...wait

GC: W3LL, TH3 SC3N3 H4S CH4NG3D DR4ST1C4LLY  
GC: 1T 1S QU1T3 R3FR3SH1NG. CL34RS TH3 P4L4T3 ON3 M1GHT S4Y.  
GC: 1 DO 3NJOY TH3 C1TRUSY T4ST3 OF Y4NG’S BOOBS  
CG: HAVE YOU NO SHAME?  
GC: NOP3

GG: nice jammies jaune

TG: get rekd

TG: this is like that line  
TG: from shakespeare  
TG: rose what’s that line from shakespeare  
TT: “What light through yonder window breaks”?  
TG: yeah that  
TG: but like  
TG: not through a window.

AC: :33< miss kitty ears is back >:3  
TT2:She does not have cat ears  
AC: :33< >:3c  
TT2: Stop.   
TT: what is she reading?  
TG2: slashfic  
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE JOKING  
GC: PL34S3 T3L M3 YOU’R3 NOT  
TG2: nah its actually jekyll and hyde  
TG2: someone did a trandcriot  
TG2: *transcript  
TA: how the fuck do you do a tran2criipt?  
TG2: keep watching and you might find out

TG: well that’s one way of meeting people

GG: “i like your bow! it goes great with your pajamas!”  
TG2: yang you useless lesbian  
TG2: partially useful pansexual?  
TG2: idk

CG: SUDDENLY BACKSTORY  
TT: So the idealistic protagonist aspires to be the archetypal hero  
TT: How unique  
GC: WOND3R HOW TH4T ON3’LL WORK OUT FOR H3R

CG: REAL LIFE ISN’T A FUCKING FAIRY TALE  
CG: TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN  
CG: ... AND SHE FUCKS IT OVER WITH A CLICHE “WE’RE HERE TO MAKE IT BETTER”.

TT2: Now this is just cartoon bullshit

AC: :33< this is gonna devolve into a cat fight  
CG: GODDAMNIT  
GG: hehehehehehe  
TT: And a well-executed cut to black  
CG: FINE. THAT WAS THE EPISODE “THE SHINING BEACON”.  
CG: WHAT NUMBER WAS IT? TWO? THREE?  
TG2: both  
CG: YEAH. THERE.  
CG: COMMENTS? CONCERNS?  
TA: weii22 wa2 un2urprii2iingly biitchy  
GC: MUCH MOR3 COLOR. 1 4PPROV3.   
TT: An unhealthy amount of cliches and tropes  
TT2: The animation is amateurish.   
TG: ok i guess  
TG: intro was hype  
GG: i’m interested in meeting all the new characters!  
CG: GREAT. LET’S KEEP FUCKING MOVING. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my sister for adding the codes because I'm lazy and don't want to. Also, at least four anime references. Dare you guys to guess what they are and what they reference. 
> 
> Also seriously, people, I need to know whether or not I should caption the images. Yay or nay?  
> Tune in next time when we meet the rest of Team JNPR

**Author's Note:**

> anyone get the Lilo and Stitch reference? how about the RvB ones?  
> Next time we finally watch volume 1!


End file.
